Not Easy Being Queen

When you’re all about positivity, progress and passion . . . being down can seem out of character. That’s how I felt last week. I was having a tough time dealing with some difficult decisions concerning my youngest son. He’s three years old, curious, funny, sweet, full of energy and on the Autism Spectrum. We found out that Autism was a good possibility earlier this year, and immediately started getting him the therapy he needed to make progress in learning and developing.

He’s been a trooper. And so have I. I was fairly proud of myself for adjusting to the major changes. My datebook immediately told the tell; with more in-home therapy appointments scheduled for him than meetings or events for me. I had to get even more selective with how I allotted my time, which is not easy for an entrepreneur whose bread is buttered via connections. Thankfully, this was something I had already started doing since motherhood taught me that I had a finite amount of physical and emotional energy. I’d made it work pretty well and even gained some new work during this period. But this next step was throwing me way off – and I felt guilty that I’d allowed myself to be thrown. After all, I preach purpose-driven intentionality and passion-for-life gratitude. And here I was reacting like I was a regular human. It sounds silly, right? Of course I’m a regular-ish human.

Was it okay to stay in a fearful mindset and let that steer my thinking? As my four year old would say, “No Way!” It was, however, okay to have that emotion as long as I did not let it stay long enough to have me. I’m a person. And even though I strive to be elevated all people experience lows. Instead of defaulting to guilt, I should have given myself enough room to fully experience that place so that I could process and work through it. I mean, isn’t that exactly what I would have done for a friend or family member who had shared their feelings with me in a similar situation? Why was I quick to deny myself that same space?

As a mom, wife, business owner, friend, sister, cousin and engaged citizen determinedly keep myself in my own equations . . . I do and am responsible for a lot. If I should give anyone the grace of space to process feelings it should be myself. After all, it’s not easy being queen.

So, as I relearned that lesson I challenge you to as well. Whatever you are Queen or King of, acknowledge that before you rush to condemn yourself for experiencing a negative emotion or a step of struggle along your journey. Be gracious with yourself, as you would anyone else.

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